Let Me Hold You Longer

I have been really sentimental the last couple of weeks and just wanted to document a few things. It all started while I was reading a book called Rejoice by Karen Kingsbury. There is a poem in the book that goes like this:

Let Me Hold You Longer
by Karen Kingsbury

"Long ago you came to me, a miracle of firsts
First smiles and teeth and baby steps, a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away and leave to me your past,
And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts.

"The last time that I held a bottle to your baby lips...
Last time that I lifted you and held you on my hip...
Last time when you had a binky stuck inside your mouth...
The last time that you crawled across the floor of this old house.

"Last time when you ran to me, still small enough to hold,
Last time when you said you'd marry me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and bright flashes from the past,
Would I have held you longer if I'd known they were the last?

"Your last few hours of kindergarten, last days of first grade...
Last at bat in Little League, last colored paper made.
Last time that I tucked you in for one last midday nap...
Last time when you wore your beat-up Green Bay Packers cap.

"Last time that you caught a frog in that old backyard pond...
Last time when you ran barefoot across our fresh-cut lawn.
Silly scattered images to represent your past.
Would I have taken pictures...if I'd known they were the last?

"The last dark night you slipped in bed and slept between us two,
When last I read to you of God or Horton Hears a Who!
Last time that I smelled your hair and prayed after your shower...
Last time that we held devotions in the evening hours.

"The last time you were M.J. in our games of give-and-go...
Last time that you made an angel in the melting snow.
I never even said good-bye to yesterdays long passed
Would I have marked the moments...if I'd known they were the last?

"Last piano lesson, and last soccer goal you kicked...
The last few weeks of middle school, last flowers that you picked.
Last time that you needed me for rides from here to there...
The last time that you spent the night with that old tattered bear.

"Last time that I helped you with a math or spelling test,
Last time when I shouted that your room was still a mess.
Time and life moved quicker, taking pieces of your past.
Would I have stretched to moments...if I'd known they were the last?

"The last time that you needed help with details of a dance...
Last time that you asked me for advice about romance.
Last time that you talked to me about your hopes and dreams.
Last time that you wore a jersey for your high school team.

"I watched you grow and never noticed seasons as they passed.
I wish I could've frozen time, to hold on to your lasts.
For come tomorrow morning life will never be the same.
You'll pledge forever to your girl, and she will take your name.

"And I will watch you, knowing God has blessed you with this day.
I never would have wanted, Luke, to somehow make you stay.
They say a son's a son until he takes for him a wife.
You're grown-up now; it's time to go and start your brand-new life.

"One last hug, one last good-bye, one quick and hurried kiss...
One last time to understand just how much you'll be missed.
I'll watch you leave and think how quickly childhood sped past.
Would I have held on longer...if I'd known it was your last?"

I have had a few of these last moments with Payton already and am just beginning to realize that they are all going to come quicker than I am ready for. We had a mother/son date earlier this month that was really special to me. As the kids big Christmas present this year we decided to give them our time, a weekend away with the parent of their choice. They got to choose the activity; Payton chose to go to Lagoon with me. We spent the night in Layton at the Marriott hotel. We went to dinner that night at The Cracker Barrel and then went to get treats at the dollar store to eat while we watched the Jazz game back at the hotel. In the morning we had breakfast and then swam in the hotel pool for a little while. Then we got ready and headed off to Lagoon. Unfortunately, when we got there it was raining cats and dogs. We decided to go to a movie in Kaysville and hope it cleared up by the time we got out, if not I had told him we would have to go to Lagoon in a couple of weeks because it was just too cold with the rain. Payton was so disappointed; he was trying his best to hold back the tears. I told him to hope for the best and just try to enjoy the movie. We went to see Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief (very good movie by the way, now I want to read the book!). When we came out of the theater we were met with blinding sunshine. Yea! Payton was so excited when he saw that sunshine he jumped up and down pumping his fists. At Lagoon, I got to hold his hand (and nearly lost all circulation) while he rode a roller-coaster for the first time. I got him to overcome his fear of roller-coasters after that first one and try all of the rest. It did take some talking but by the end of the day he said the roller-coasters were his favorite rides (except the white roller-coaster that we went on first, he will NEVER set foot on it again!). Payton is 9 turning 10 soon and will be spending his last year in Elementary School next year. I feel like this is such a big step in his life. I don't want my little boy to grow up and go to that horrible place they call middle school! I am so proud of the young man he is becoming and pray he will continue to learn and progress and become all that his Heavenly Father has set out for him...I am humbled and grateful for being the woman that was chosen to celebrate his firsts and lasts. I realized as I walked through the park with Payton later in the day and he reached up and held my hand that it might be a last. Pretty soon he will be too big or cool to hold his mother's hand in public. For now I will cherish it....and hope I can hold it a little longer. I love you the mostest eternity, Bubba! Thank you for choosing me to spend your special day with, I will cherish it forever!